Fascinating. If you have already not done so you might look at the work on racial identity development from Janet Helms model of white identity and the work of William Cross. Both psychologists and have written some classic work in this space. In my book, Some of My Friends Are...I have a chapter on racial identity and explore race relations through a race lens. Debby Irving's Waking Up White also has some exploration about whiteness from a healthy idenity development perspective. There is another book that I am blocking on and have not read that got quite a bit of publicity when protestors showed up at his book signing in DC. The book title was something like the end of whiteness. I am sure it will show up in a google search. Hope this helps and good luck with your memoir. It really sounds timely and important for extending the conversation on race. Thanks much!